Assalamualaykum w.b.t.
Alhamdulillaahillazii allafabaina quluubinaa fa asbahnaa bini'matihii ikhwaanaa.
Greetings to all of my brothers and sisters in Islam. Today is Ramadhan 29, 1429 equivalent to September 29, 2008. 29 Ramadhan and 29 September. SubhanAllah, beautiful! This helps many muslims to answer the question ''What day of Ramadhan is today?'' . Thinking it deeply, so sad. Is it not? We claim so proudly that we are muslims yet we do not know our own calendar. Oh, I am wrong. There are a number of days in Hijr calendar that many muslims never forget: 1 Syawal, 1 Muharram, and some more (in order of decreasing popularity). Why? It is because they are given days off. Well, that is not a big issue (is it?).
Forgive me for the very not soothing introduction. Perhaps realizing that Ramadhan is reaching its end in few days, my heart is somekind of not feeling well. Questions keep flooding in my mind. Have I done well? Have the objectives been fulfilled? Have all my sins been forgiven? Lets leave those questions for a moment. Just a moment.
I want to draw our attention to a matter. This matter never ends, although having been explained and posted in many places many times. But, now I want to share a thought. It is about LOVE. After reading the previous sentence, now some might say ''Oh, love again. This guy is going to urge everybody to say NO to coupling again bla bla bla...''.
To those who might have said that - NO. I am not going to ask you to stop coupling this time (in the future? Lets see, huhu). My primary concern is to describe the difference between love and romance.
Romance, if not checked, may mean wasting time, effort and dignity. Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Besides, the concept of love in Islam is very unique, when a Muslim loves something or somebody, it must be for the sake of Allah; the same applies to hatred.
Islam teaches us that marriage is the finest, purest and permissible relationship that should exist between a male and female. There is no room in Islam for illicit affairs or the Western vogue-word of boyfriend and girlfriend. All those stories of media and movies are not helpful to make a person comply with the teachings of Islam. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says that there are three qualities, if found in a person, will help him have perfect faith:
1. Having Allah and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, as the most
beloved ones,
2. Loving a person only for the sake of Allah and
3. Hating getting back to Kufr (disbelief) the way one hates to be thrown into fire.
That means love is a fruit of piety. Love without piety is mischief.
There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practiced in the West. There is no dating or living in de facto relationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage. The romantic notions that occupy the mind of young people often have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the West to understand this point. To give an example, the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on. Yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not result in an everlasting bond between two people.
In most cases, romance and love die out very quickly when couple find themselves with the real world. The unrealistic expectation that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
You know the West is making fun of the Islamic way of marriage, in particular arranged marriage. Yet, the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner. Love blinds people to the extent of overlooking potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic proverb that says: "Love is blind, it makes zucchini turn into okra". Arranged marriages, on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions, but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why such marriage often proves successful.
I still remember of an article explaining about this. It says from an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration is Taqwa (piety and consciousness of Allah).
Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)
However, this love should not be overwhelming and cause a person to forget other characteristics which he should look for in the person he wants to marry. The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, says: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Agreed-upon Hadith).
Dear my brothers and sisters, I hope that the main points of the issue have become clear. Now, let’s assume that you are the subject: On what basis would you like to choose your partner? Wouldn’t you look to his/her commitment to Islam – does he/she pray regularly, for example? Does he/she adhere to the Islamic teachings?
If the gentleman/lady you want to marry is religious, of good manners, and obeys Allah and His Messenger, and both of you want to please Allah in this world in order to earn reward in the Hereafter, then you have made a perfect choice, and we ask Allah to fulfill your hopes and bring you together in a good way. If she is not, then you should reconsider your choice. May Allah help you to do what He loves and what pleases Him!
And I did not urge you to STOP COUPLING right? :-)
10 comments:
salam dr,
such an interesting article... a gud view of yours with those dalils... but yet, i doubt if every single person in our batch knows & understands these facts which i bet r crucial? it is a wonderful scenario if everyone realy2 applies this in e life, which i think is our job to implant it right?
1 more humble question dr., if coupling is not e right way, what is e best one?
;p jazakallah...i'm looking forward for your reply...
Salam,
Yes u r rite. if everyone is having the same view about the issue, then our muslim community would be shining to the fullest.
The problem is when Love outside marriage ( e.g. in teens) is being confused to have been legalised in Islam. Syaithan is very tricky to convince teenagers (i.e. us) that love outside marriage (coupling) is acceptable in Islam and even it is very holy. But, remember that Iblis promised at the first place that he will always be there to confuse the children of Adam until they go astray. Tanak cakap byk lah. Here are some basic ideas about coupling in Islam:
Allah said in the Holy Quran "Jgn mendekati zina", and 'zina' has been explained by Rasulullah in deep. It's true if one says that "saya tak buat perkara tak elok.. msg je, kdg2 siap kasi tazkirah lagi, tidakkah itu pertalian suci?..". Haha.. this is very funny to me. Zina is not restricted to adultery only. One may get him/herself far away from zina(adultery), zina tangan, zina kaki(berjumpa kekasih/ketempat maksiat), zina mata(melihat kekasih dgn bernafsu [jgn sempitkan konsep nafsu]), zina lain-lain, but one may not realize the presence of zina hati (for example merindui dan memikir2kan si kekasih). I've seen many couples in my life and most of them are like this. In fact, some are even 'cleaner' than this. But all are the same. Allah is NOT(never) stupid and is watching all the times. So readers please understand this well.
To answer your question, I would strongly say that Islam is a perfect religion (syumul). Islam never restrains the fitrah of human being: sense of loving and being loved. For what has Allah created human being possessing such fitrah if they are ordered to kill that fitrah itself? The teachings of Islam have been sent down by Allah so that the desire of human being is channeled to the way that is best and in accordance to the syariah. Besides, Islam tightly closes the gates of the devils and widely opens the gates to righteousness.
As an explanation to ur doubt, i have a malay article to share. U might have read this. But, nevermind. If so, just regard this as a refresh button to your mind.
Here is the article:
...................................
"Rasulullah pernah mengecam salah seorang sahabat yang bertekad untuk tidak bernikah. Ini merupakan salah satu bukti bahawa Islam mengakui fitrah manusia yang ingin cinta-menyintai ini.
Percintaan dalam Islam hanyalah
selepas termetrainya sebuah ikatan pernikahan antara dua insan, iaitu setelah bergelar suami isteri. Islam telah menggariskan panduan dalam menuju ke arah gerbang perkahwinan ini.
Ustaz Hassan Din
telah memberikan pendapatnya mengenai hal ini
dalam Al-Kulliyah di TV3 pada 28 Julai 2006, iaitu pada hari Jumaat. Tajuk perbincangan Al-Kulliyah kali itu agak menarik ; Jodoh.
Apabila diminta memberikan pendapat
beliau, beliau telah mengatakan yang cara masyarakat sekarang telah lari daripada syariat yang sepatutnya."Sebenarnya dalam Islam, apabila seseorang lelaki itu telah berkenan dengan seorang wanita dan ingin menjadikan teman hidupnya, sepatutnya lelaki itu berjumpa dengan wali si perempuan tadi untuk menyatakan niatnya untuk masuk meminang. Tetapi masyarakat sekarang silap. Mereka terus berjumpa dengan yang empunya diri dan terus menyatakan niat hatinya. Kemudian mereka bercinta, berjanji sumpah setia dan segala-galanya. Sedangkan ibubapa mereka
langsung tidak tahu akan perhubungan mereka ini. Setelah sekian lama bercinta, apabila ingin melangsungkan perkahwinan, emak dan ayah tak bersetuju dengan mengeluarkan pelbagai alasan," terang beliau.
Beliau juga menerangkan konsep
peminangan ini. Kata beliau, "Ibu bapa mungkin sudah ada pilihan mereka sendiri. Oleh itu, dengan menyatakan niat kepada ibubapa, mereka akan berjumpa sendiri dengan wali perempuan tadi untuk mengenali mereka dan calon menantu mereka dengan lebih jelas.
Setelah kedua-dua pihak bersetuju,
barula h dijalankan upacara peminangan, iaitu kedua-dua insan tadi telah menjadi tunang. Apabila sudah menjadi tunangan orang, adalah Haram perempaun itu dipinang oleh lelaki lain, seperti yang telah dijelaskan oleh Rasulullah dalam hadis baginda. Dalam masa pertunangan inilah kedua-dua pihak lelaki dan perempuan tadi akan saling mengenali antara satu-sama lain, bagi memastikan adakah ini merupakan pasangan hidupnya yang sebenar. Jika kedua-duanya sudah bersetuju, barulah pernikahan
dilangsungkan," jelas beliau lagi.
Namun begitu, Ustaz Hassan Din
menegaskan bahawa bertunang bukan
merupakan lesen yang membenarkan
kedua-dua pasangan bermesra-mesra
seperti suami isteri. Bertunang
hanyalah untuk saling mengenali antara satu sama lain dan bukannya untuk bercinta. Pasangan yang telah bertunang tetap tidak boleh keluar berdua-duaan tanpa
ditemani oleh ahli keluarga. Selagi
belum bernikah, mereka tetap dua insan yang bukan mahram dan masih perlu manjaga batasan-batasan Islam seperti yang telah dibincangkan sebelum ini. Dan jika dalam tempoh pertunangan itu didapati kedua-dua pasangan ini tidak secocok atau tidak serasi, maka pertunangan bolehlah diputuskan secara baik melalui persetujuan kedua-dua belahpihak.
Lihat, betapa indahnya Islam
mengaturkan perjalanan hidup penganutnya. Cukup teratur dan sitematik. Cara ini dapat mengelakkan daripada berlakunya maksiat dan perkara-perkara lain yang tidak diingini. Dalam masa yang sama, ia menuju kepada pembentukan keluarga bahagia yang diidamkan oleh manusia serta diredhai oleh Allah. Inilah percintaan dalam Islam, iaitu selepas perkahwinan. Insya-Allah kalau segalanya dilakuk an dengan niat ikhlas kerana Allah dan bukan atas dasar nafsu dan keduniaan semata-mata, Allah akan mempermudah urusan kita itu.
Untuk kita yang masih menimba ilmu,
tidak perlulah bersusah-susah mencari jodoh sekarang. Jodoh di tangan Allah, pasti bertemu jua dengan taqdirnya. Sekarang kita mempunyai matlamat yang lebih penting iaitu mendapatkan kecemerlangan dalam pelajaran dan
menunaikan tanggungjawab kita sebagai muslim. Banyak lagi tanggungjawab yang perlu kita pikul dan bercinta bukanlah sesuatu yang perlu buat masa sekarang. Berusahalah menjadi muslim dan muslimah sejati serta mengamalkan Islam dalam kehidupan kita."
...............END.................
However, I think for some of us, it is the time to put a great thinking and planning to marriage. And if you think it is your time , then why not?
great entry and explaination thou..may Allah bless you..
have a blessed ramadhan and eid..
taqabbalallhu minna wa minkum
Jzkk nurilahi,
Wishing you all a blessed month of fasting and prayer. May the peace, blessings and mercy of Allah be with us all.
And may all our sins be forgiven. When Ramadhan leaves us, we are in total white colour, Aameen. And pray to Allah that we can still live through the next one. I.A.
Last but not least, ’Eid Mubarak!
thank u dr for ur long reply...it's very helpful thou. u r right anyway, maybe for some of us this is e right time to have a deep thinking bout marriage, but maybe for others, it's not the time yet...i pray that Allah will provide the easiest way for us as a whole. ok, thanks again. happy eid-fitr...
My pleasure.
Marriage, not that easy to handle. It is easier said than done. However, dont delay when the time comes like our beloved Prophet said to Ali r.a. to remember 3 things:
"offer the prayers in time; if somebody dies do not delay the burial; if an unmarried person finds a suitable match then arrange the marriage immediately" (Tirmidzi)
Ideally it should be like that, no coupling and just concentrate to ur study.when "the time" comes,then u should start to think about it.However, for one who still studying, along the way, Allah will give u tests and temptations, for u to prove ur stand. That is why even a religious person can also come near to zina.The Syaithan that been sent to them is much powerful,u know. Then, it depends on how would u react upon ur knowledge (mujahadah) and for sure what is the condition of ur IMAN...
em...kalau x couple pun, kte still rindu orangnye, x salah ke? kira zina hati gak ke?
Dear faidhi...if this is the faidhi that i know of...
i'm not sure if this is appropriate or otherwise...
i've been thinking, if i like sumone, and that person is for me...the perfectest person for me to live with until the end of life(of course what i think is not necessarily the right thing, )someone who can bring me nearer to Him,that is best for me, my religion, and my life...would it be ok to ask him to wait for me? how should i tell him that i like him...he wouldn't even know i have feelings for him, perhaps he never even knew that i existed? i know that Allah has plans for me..that the plan of Allah is best...always the very best,would asking him to wait for me considered going against what Allah want? is it considered sinful? how should we know that perhaps by asking we are getting nearer to His Qadar? and what do you think of a sister asking a brother for marriage...instead of the other way round? i've been making doa...for Allah to show me signs...to tell me that this is not just infatuations, that this is not a sickness in the heart, but a real Qadar of His...
that you(yes..it's you, i hope i won't disturb your iman) really are going to be mine one day...
oh dear, by posting this...i'm closing the door of ever asking you...Allah;s plan always works...and if we are not meant to be together, then nothing i do will bring us together. and if you are really for me, as i hope, then nothing can prevent it... and i am of the faithful... whatever Allah gives me, i am forever grateful.
Apologies for this sudden burst of emotions, perhaps it'll pass away, and dun guess who i am, for i will be the last person that u'll guess. and keep on lowering your gaze ...for that is purer for the heart, and that is one of the things that i like about u.
perhaps i'll regret posting this, but like i said, if it is Allah's will, then anything that i do or dun do, won't make any different...and apologies to to my future husband...if he is not you :) or if he is really you...then apologies too..for i won't ever admit this is me
wassalam
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